I was talking with a close friend the other day about a minor complication in my pregnancy. Currently this issue is minor but it has the potential to become major. I told her that I felt like my ideal labor/delivery scenario was spiraling out of control. It was a this point that she reminded me that it had never been in my control.
It's a true fact and one that's easy to forgot.
As I read books, research natural birth classes and diligently do my pre-natal yoga, it's easy to think if I just do all these things everything will go how I want. And what I want is a natural birth. Now all this isn't to say that preparing in these ways isn't good--it is. But at the end of the day it's not the most important preparation.
I am finding throughout my pregnancy that I am challenged in my relationship with God in new ways. And the issue of control is just one example.
I am learning that my pregnancy is a unique time for me in that relationship. And I hope investing time in that relationship prepares my heart as well as my mind for the many unknowns to come.
Oh Laura, I so resonate with your reflections here. Pregnancy (and motherhood!) challenged my faith in many new ways, ESPECIALLY control! I know you love to read and I would highly recommend the book "Great with Child: Reflections on Faith, Fullness and Becoming a Mother" by Debra Rienstra. She is an English professor at Calvin College and it is basically her journal of pregnancy and her baby's first year, especially the emotional and spiritual changes she was experiencing. It is beautifully written and she ties together scripture and poetry and her own feelings in a really lovely way. I read it at the beginning of pregnancy, again at the end, and several times after Lydia was born. You can get it at the library or borrow my copy if you are interested.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I completely understand. And your friend is right about not being in control. That is the hardest thing about motherhood, for sure! All I can say is time and experience help - and talking with your other mom or soon to be mom friends who can commiserate. Realizing that no matter how my baby arrived, she was still the same baby helped me keep my expectations in check. Thinking of you and wishing for the best!
ReplyDelete